"I do not believe in God because I do not believe in Mother Goose." -Clarence Darrow

This post is tough for me to write. What follows is a confession of sorts - or, more accurately, a coming out. It is in regard to my faith, which, for many, is a very personal and private aspect in their lives. My faith is no different in that aspect, which is why I’ve decided to discourse on said topic on the World Wide Web.

Recently I have come to a conclusion about my personal faith. Growing up in the Methodist church, surrounded by family, God and religion have always been a very important part of my life. However, I have always been told it is important to question my faith, to explore why I believe what I believe. This combination of a strong faithful childhood and an ever-inquisitive mind has precipitated my latest epiphany. This revelation (pardon the pun) is my firm belief that I am not sure whether there is or is not a higher power.

Let me repeat that: I am positive in my irresoluteness of ideology. I have no idea if there is a god, or, if there is, whether said deity is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, or omni-anything. There is nothing (except material evidence or an act of God) that could dissuade me from solid belief in the possibility of something beyond our current reality.

I realize such strong views may alienate some of my readers. I understand. It can be hard to comprehend my steadfast creed of indecision. I adhere firmly to the doctrine of the noncommittal, and for that I will never apologize. In fact, I am prepared to wage a holy war of indifference, an apathetic jihad, if you will. This is not a fight that I particularly care about, but it could very well be the key to the world’s salvation (or maybe it’s not).

Though to this point in my life I have been rather unsure of my specific religious beliefs, I can assure the world with no degree of uncertainty that I will never know for sure about the existence (or lack thereof) of any higher power and therefore will most likely never have any specific religious belief. I am absolutely positive my state of agnosis will remain steadfast until I die and rot in the ground (or meet my Maker, who really knows?).

I hope this post has helped clear up my thoughts and feelings on my faith. Over the years I have undergone many phases in my life ranging from devout Christian to positive Deist to wannabe Jew. Now that I have finally solidified my belief in lack of any positive belief, my desire is that I will be excluded from and invited to the appropriate groups, clubs, societies and associations. I only wish for the proper forms of discrimination against myself.

“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.” -George Carlin

I'd like to take the time now to thank my few commentators thus far, but also to request that those who comment give their names, so as to encourage an open dialogue. I love to know who reads my blog and hear their feedback. I also like when that feedback is intelligent. So, in honour of the third comment on my last post, I'd like to devote this entire post to the great state of Texas!

Texas, a Tribute:

Little known facts about Texas:

Despite having only become a state in 1845, there are Texan Revolutionary War heroes interned in Austin. I guess Sam Houston, in addition to his mutton chop-growing prowess, also discovered time-travel and transported brave Texan soldiers back to 1770's New England to fight the Red Coats!

The Texas educational system is one of the best in the country and the world. Their teaching of the English language includes such adjectival skills as the use of "stupid," "fucking," and, for special emphasis, "stupid fucking" in modifying such nouns as "stuff" and "shit." The only rivals to Texans' knowledge of the English language are non-English speakers!

Texas has the largest percentage of closeted homosexuals aged 14-24, with about 35% of all the males in that age group being gay, but are not yet out. Approximately 90% of the young men who comprise this group play football for their schools, and 83% of individuals in that group are responsible for 97% of hate crimes against gays annually. Statistically speaking, Texas is the most latent homosexually-enraged state in the US!

Though many former Confederate states claim the main impetus for the Civil War (or the War Between the States) was the encroachment on states' rights by the North, Texas just wanted slavery to continue because they hate black people!

Everything is bigger in Texas because someone is overcompensating... (Hint: it's Texas!)

Texans are well-versed in the art of humour, especially satire. For example, whoever left the third comment on the last post knew this blog is satirical. That's why (s)he left such a hilariously snarky message for me, filled with wit and insight. Oh, how I wish I could have the comedic ability of this Texan in particular!

And now we arrive at the real point of this post. If you hadn't figured it out, Anonymous Commentator Number Three, from Texas (I know this because I am omniscient, and I have an account at StatCounter.com), this post is addressed mostly to you. The next time you want to fuck with me, bring something more than a run-on sentence filled with typos and profanity to the table; I enjoy a challenge when I need to insult people. As for my blog being "nothing more than midwestern shit", try calling my work "shit" when you can represent Texas as anything other than a state overpopulated by arrogant assholes with inferiority complexes.

I would like to close by issuing an apology to all the residents of Texas who do not fit the above stereotype and to send my most sincere sympathies that you are associated with said idiots.

Lighter topics to come!

“Not many artists commit suicide by leaping off the pinnacle of success.” -Anonymous

New evidence surrounding Nirvana-front man Kurt Cobain's 1994 suicide has surfaced. Many fans of the Seattle-based grunge band contend that the circumstances surrounding the singer's death were more than mysterious; his wife, Courtney Love, is a popular suspect for his murder. However, a "first draft" of Cobain's suicide note has been discovered among a cache of 1980's pop records auctioned off after his death.

An image of the letter, now confirmed by handwriting experts to be from Cobain, has been released to the press:
Van, 33, of Rogers City, MI, came across the note while moving out of his parents' basement. "They said with the economy how it is, they needed to rent out the basement to someone who would actually pay rent," Van said in an interview. "I was getting together all my Nirvana memorabilia - they're my favorite band! - when this piece of paper fell out of the sleeve of Kurt Cobain's copy of Culture Club's single 'Karma Chameleon.'"

It seems appropriate that Cobain would hide his first attempt at writing his suicide note amongst his collection of 1980's pop music. In the body, he explains his distress at discovering one of his band's biggest singles, "Smells Like Teen Spirit," was able to perfectly provide the instrumental backtrack to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." Now commonly known as "Rickrolling," it appears Kurt Cobain himself was the first to discover the horrors of being unpleasantly surprised by Rick Astley, tragically over his own music. Reading the body of the letter, Cobain could not recover from this terrible shock, and the resulting depression and existential crisis following drove him to take his own life.

The suicide note specifically mentions the act of Cobain killing himself. In the final version of the note found near Cobain's dead body, there is some ambiguity as to whether it was a letter to accompany his suicide, or whether it was a note to his wife and daughter telling them he was leaving. In the latter theory, many fans hold that Cobain was only going to walk out on his wife and daughter, in the hopes of giving them a better life, when Love murdered him and set it up to look like a suicide. With the discovery of this first draft of the note, this speculation will likely be put to rest.

Perhaps most ironic in this latest find is that, despite Cobain's distraught writing after realizing how "poppy" his songwriting had become, he took the time to make stylistic edits to his suicide note. In his notes, Cobain seems quite concerned with his image postmortem. He observes that his language could be more flowery in the opening paragraph, and that the tone of the entire piece should "sound darker, more depressed." The king of grunge rock, Devil-may-care attitude of the 1990's was just as concerned with the legacy of his life, death, and music, as any other sellout.

When asked if the suicide note had any effect on his respect for the singer, Van replied, "No, I don't think so. I mean, yeah, it's kind of gay that the dude liked Rick Astley, but, hey, I'm 33, just got kicked out my parents' basement, and still listen to Nirvana."

" 'The mind is its own place, and in itself/Can make a Heaven of Hell, A Hell of Heaven.' " -John Milton, "Paradise Lost"

I'm still working on changing things up a bit around here, so bear with me as I tinker.

You may notice the title has changed. My musings have expanded beyond the musical, so I thought the title needed updating along with the rest of the overhaul.

Additionally, I found out that I can update from my phone. We'll see where this goes, because I'm not entirely sure how I feel about blog updates in only 160 characters. I may leave that to Twitter, and keep this website open as avenue for more lengthy, detailed looks into my mind, which is made of largely of self-absorption and depravity. (As a side note, it smells oddly of my own flatulence and Astroglide; fans of "South Park" and pornography should appreciate those references.)

I appreciate everyone sticking with me and reading this; my ego thanks you all as well (especially if you decide to become a follower!). My Facebook page will have an update every time I update here, so keep checking back often. Follow my Twitter page (link on the sidebar) for more current information about my escapades, too. And if you want to hear a couple of recordings of clarinet performances given by yours truly, look for me on MySpace (or just click the link below my Twitter page). Most important, however, is that you tell all your friends about this blog. I have a terrible hunger for attention that only more followers (and commenters!) can sate.

Just so you all know that I am aware of my narcissism, I do realize that the previous paragraph was transparent, blatant, and shameless whoring. Oh well, my talent isn't going to sell itself without some serious pimping.

"Our best thoughts come from others." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would like to announce that this blog will have a GUEST AUTHOR! My good friend Aric will be submitting his first post in the near future, and will likely be making appearances every now and then.

Enjoy reading! I know this first post will be a killer.