“You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.” -George Carlin

I'd like to take the time now to thank my few commentators thus far, but also to request that those who comment give their names, so as to encourage an open dialogue. I love to know who reads my blog and hear their feedback. I also like when that feedback is intelligent. So, in honour of the third comment on my last post, I'd like to devote this entire post to the great state of Texas!

Texas, a Tribute:

Little known facts about Texas:

Despite having only become a state in 1845, there are Texan Revolutionary War heroes interned in Austin. I guess Sam Houston, in addition to his mutton chop-growing prowess, also discovered time-travel and transported brave Texan soldiers back to 1770's New England to fight the Red Coats!

The Texas educational system is one of the best in the country and the world. Their teaching of the English language includes such adjectival skills as the use of "stupid," "fucking," and, for special emphasis, "stupid fucking" in modifying such nouns as "stuff" and "shit." The only rivals to Texans' knowledge of the English language are non-English speakers!

Texas has the largest percentage of closeted homosexuals aged 14-24, with about 35% of all the males in that age group being gay, but are not yet out. Approximately 90% of the young men who comprise this group play football for their schools, and 83% of individuals in that group are responsible for 97% of hate crimes against gays annually. Statistically speaking, Texas is the most latent homosexually-enraged state in the US!

Though many former Confederate states claim the main impetus for the Civil War (or the War Between the States) was the encroachment on states' rights by the North, Texas just wanted slavery to continue because they hate black people!

Everything is bigger in Texas because someone is overcompensating... (Hint: it's Texas!)

Texans are well-versed in the art of humour, especially satire. For example, whoever left the third comment on the last post knew this blog is satirical. That's why (s)he left such a hilariously snarky message for me, filled with wit and insight. Oh, how I wish I could have the comedic ability of this Texan in particular!

And now we arrive at the real point of this post. If you hadn't figured it out, Anonymous Commentator Number Three, from Texas (I know this because I am omniscient, and I have an account at StatCounter.com), this post is addressed mostly to you. The next time you want to fuck with me, bring something more than a run-on sentence filled with typos and profanity to the table; I enjoy a challenge when I need to insult people. As for my blog being "nothing more than midwestern shit", try calling my work "shit" when you can represent Texas as anything other than a state overpopulated by arrogant assholes with inferiority complexes.

I would like to close by issuing an apology to all the residents of Texas who do not fit the above stereotype and to send my most sincere sympathies that you are associated with said idiots.

Lighter topics to come!